What’s “The One-Hour Fix for Memory Loss?”

How could I resist this tease?   I’m the guy, after all, who needs to stir his little grey cells to recall the name of that beautiful shrub growing at the northeast corner of our house.   Eureka, I’ve got it! – it’s called viburnum.   I’ve always attributed my lapses in memory to the likelihood that my noodle is crammed to the utmost with 10 to the 10th to the 10th factoids ranging from the particulars of Addison’s disease to Zollinger-Ellison syndrome.   If I keep all those things stored in my cranium, it’s difficult to cram any more in there.

So I found this hard to put down.

“UCLA neuroscientists develop incredible brain age-reversing  breakthrough! 

Top research shows this…

1-Hour “Brain Lift” Helps STOP Age-Related Memory Loss

Now YOU can use their same powerfully simple technique at home to help improve your memory by 700% in just 1 HOUR, plus so much more…”

Having checked up on a considerable number of promotions of this sort, I start out with a skeptical turn of mind.   The notion of improving my memory by 700% in just one hour strikes me from the outset as a colossal exaggeration, even if there is some merit to whatever it is that these UCLA neuroscientists came up with.   And let me say that the single disclaimer line that introduces the tease doesn’t do anything to make me more of a believer.   Here’s the disclaimer:

“These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA.   This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, prevent, or cure any disease.”

Many people, including quite a few Gumshoe denizens, will take that disclaimer as basically meaningless, based on their firm conviction that the FDA is just a toady for the pharmaceutical industry rather than an honest government agency dedicated to making sure that there is legitimate evidence supporting the claims made by the makers of products that are meant to contribute to the health of our nation.  

I note that one of the comments appended to a previous Doc Gumshoe posting asserted that pharmaceutical companies had to hand over to the FDA the sum of two billion dollars in order for the FDA to move forward with the approval of a candidate drug.   This is simply not so.  Here’s what the FDA says:   

“For fiscal year 2018, drug application fees are: $2,421,495 per full application requiring clinical data, $1,210,748 per application not requiring clinical data or per supplement requiring clinical data.”

That’s million, not billion.   

What particularly piqued my interest was the statement that the source of this miracle brain booster was UCLA neuroscientists.   That assertion was repeated numerous times in the presentation, and it was not tempered in any way.   Here’s a typical repetition:

“No—this easy, UCLA-patented “Brain Lift” technique can improve your memory by a whopping 700% just 1 HOUR from now. …

“It took the most respected neuroscientists, at the most prestigious memory lab in the world — UCLA’s neurology research center— and a decade of trial and error to develop.

And ever since—in study after study—this brain lift technique has shown miraculous memory-boosting results.

Like in a groundbreaking 2014 study, where researchers put the brain lift breakthrough to the test on a group of seniors 60 and over.

The scientists separated the seniors into two groups—a test group that would get the brain lift—and a placebo group that wouldn’t.

Then, on that very first day… just 1 hour into the study…

The researchers ran a few tests and discovered something they never expected…

The men and women who got the brain lift were ALREADY IMPROVING AT A RAPID PACE

In fact, their memory was working SIGNIFICANTLY better than it had just 60 minutes earlier…

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